Healthy Anger
On Wednesday I was angry and stressed. I was not in a flow state. Far from it. My inner conversation was working overtime on gnashing away at some issue. Therefore I was not present. Certainly not present to see a car parked in a place it was not supposed to be parked as I backed my car out of my car port. Therefore I hit it. (Even with the rear alarms going off loudly...I was so into my inner war zone conversation that I can’t remember hearing the alarms at all.) Not badly, but I broke my rear light. This incident of course only added to the inner fire that was burning already. Thank goodness for sport. On this day it was swimming. I burned and churned water in those first 1000 meters. How do people cope when they do not have a healthy outlet for anger? Not only could I burn all the rage out through my swimming, the water helps to wash it all away. There were a few new girls in my lane that day and I do feel sorry for them. My anger was palpable and they would have definitely felt some form of aggression.(I found out today that one of the girls went to school with my daughter...no accidents here!) By the time I got out of the pool to go home my equilibrium was back. Anger dispersed! A healthy anger channel. People who know me will say that I have quite a fiery energy. Short fuse, not backwards in coming forwards. It was me after all that learned to spit and swear as a toddler before I could say mummy! Anger came with the package, and I have had to learn to make it healthy anger. I would literally be a monster if not for my sport as my outlet. It allows me to discharge the excess. I see so many people who live their lives enraged. It is not only like a cancer, it becomes a cancer literally. They project their inner rage on what ever they can out there, rather than going inside and doing the work on the truth of their rage. They have no cues for healthy anger management. My anger and assertiveness do come in handy. This week also had several incidents that provoked my wrath where healthy anger is most appropriate. I use a third party fee collection company on occasions. The last time I used this company was over a year ago. In September we used their services again. We got a bill for nearly $600 for some fee that they had decided to charge us. Apparently they sent out an email in July 2008 to say that unless we responded to the email, they would be making this charge of $10 every week, for a service that I would never use. Because we did not respond, we got charged. When we queried it, they decided to be “nice” and give us a 50% discount, charging us instead $300 for a service we neither wanted, nor used. In other words, money for absolutely nothing. Hmmm.. First problem- how unethical and manipulative to have a method as unreliable as email to inform clients of this new service fee and to have it be an opt out, versus opt in. If you didn’t read the fine print you were going to pay. Nasty.Second problem, anyone with any level of awareness could plainly see that our level of custom was so low that we would never need, nor use this kind of service.Third problem, we were being charged for something we did not partake in. Needless to say I got the full refund. I had to fight for it. I was prepared to go the whole way...consumer affairs...you name it... However, what alarms me is how many people with less assertiveness and bull terrier tendencies, would have settled, all be it unhappily, for the 50% discount and this company would profit from outright exploitation. Shame on them. People do need more healthy anger and assertiveness. And the
ability to speak up.
What have I learned from this week of fire and a combination of healthy anger and unhealthy anger? Firstly, I do really need to go into a quiet space and reconnect with my centre. I usually do this every day as part of my integral practice. This is actually a priority. Secondly, I have reaffirmed the value of my sport, and how it keeps me from burning up. Thirdly, part of my work is to support others to speak up. To be assertive. To ask for what they want. To speak truth to Power figures and situations. To use healthy anger. And finally, after I have found the quiet space inside, I need to get to the truth of my recent anger. Pull its black sticky fingers from my internal organs and transmute it into light. This is our real work. And it never ends. Our shadow self finds the nooks and crannies to hide and act up with remarkable agility. Part of our work with our shadow self is to learn to embrace it. Even to like it, like I like and respect my anger. However, my essential self needs to be the manger of my anger. Not my anger to be the manager of my life. This is where the cancer lies. When anger rules. Many people are terrified by anger. They have no distinction between healthy anger and unhealthy anger. They are terrified by the level of their own suppressed anger, and have no idea how to let it loose without doing damage. Or they are terrified by the anger of others and cower in its presence. On a global scale we have so much work to do around transmuting anger. Allowing it expression, not denying it, but being sure it is used to stir positive action. This is part of the work around the field effect. The expression of healthy anger, and safe environments to allow anger to arise, and be transmuted, is critical to our navigation of the complex waters of today's world into a brighter future of tomorrow. So many people are angry and yet do not have the skills and tools to become the manger of their anger. Their anger burns like a smoldering out of control fire, eating up the very green of their lives. It is a micro part of the overall macro world of terrorism, environmental degradation, the burning up of our energy savings account of fossil fuels. We have to address our own anger, our own rage, our own self hate. Healing of the whole only occurs when we heal the whole of the self, a reflection of the whole of Universe. Healthy anger can then be used to get us off the couch, and into action..positive, life affirming, resourceful action. One of the greatest tools for working with anger is of course, compassion.
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